December 29, 2008
Exclusive: A New Take on a Holiday Classic
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the White House, not a creature was stirring . . . except President-elect Barack Obama’s crack team of internationally-known interior designers. The One has decreed an extreme makeover for the Executive mansion, replete with new paint, shampooed carpets, and an oil painting of Jeremiah Wright – on a velvet canvas, of course – in the Lincoln Bedroom. Naturally, all furniture used by Dick “Darth Vader” Cheney will be dismantled and burned at taxpayer expense.The stockings were hung by the chimney with care . . . because most Americans couldn’t afford to run their gas-powered dryers anymore. Actually, considering the rising cost of firewood in this battered economy, even the most lucrative businessman has been forced to burn drywall, money (in small denominations), and family photo albums for heat! There are even reports of some of the more “intellectually challenged” attempting to burn Harry Reid, Leif Garret, and Elijah Wood. It’s sad, really.The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. Visions of sugarplums are all the kids will have once “Hillary Care” is implemented. Sugars, starches, and fats are going the way of the dinosaur, and they will be replaced by “appropriate” foods, such as Brussels sprouts, lima beans, and a hundred other items that children wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot spoon. They will be unhappy, but hey, the government knows better than they do. Just ask them.When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Unfortunately, it was a pack of wild hippies and atheists, hell-bent on protesting the neighborhood’s Christmas trees, Hanukkah menorahs, and Kwanzaa decorations. They picketed the residents with glee, oblivious to the irony of tree-huggers trying to make a point by using wooden signs....
For your Monday morning smile (or grimace at the truth of it) go here.