The state of the union speech Barack Obama would never give

My fellow Americans, Neil Macdonald imagines a more unvarnished version of how things stand

[...]

"A month after I assumed office, in the midst of a financial crisis that terrified us all, I stood in this place and promised we would not just recover, but that we would emerge stronger.

"Well, five years later that hasn't happened for most of us. To quote a common jape, the economy's doing well, except for most of the people in it...

[...]

"A month after I assumed office, in the midst of a financial crisis that terrified us all, I stood in this place and promised we would not just recover, but that we would emerge stronger.

"Well, five years later that hasn't happened for most of us. To quote a common jape, the economy's doing well, except for most of the people in it....

[...]

"Our Federal Reserve has also printed trillions of dollars, which helped prevent collapse, although frankly, folks, no one has any idea how that's going to turn out now that the Fed's winding it up.

"I guess we'll see.

[...]

"I can report, though, that our long foreign wars are over, even if Iraq appears to be sliding back into violent anarchy, and Afghanistan probably isn't far behind.

"To our many shattered warriors, and to those of you who lost sons and daughters in those countries, I wish I could say it was worthwhile. Perhaps it was. I just don't know. None of us does.

"Let me now say something about our health-care reform, what I've been proud to call Obamacare: It's a mess. A stew of regulations and unintended consequences.

[...]

"So I'm announcing tonight that I will use whatever powers I possess to act unilaterally. But really, it won't amount to much.

"Remember, my first promise, back in those hopeful days of 2009, was to close the Guantanamo Bay detention centre. You wouldn't even let me do that....